21st April 2013, London Marathon, how do I feel

21st April 2013 

London Marathon

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I should be running the marathon proud to come from where I do, 

So how do I feel, 

Even though I will go on Sunday, I am very nervous, and I will do my uppermost to run all the way, but do feel sadden that I failed at running a Great Night Out, and that I could not draw my raffle, all due to lack of sales and simply not knowing enough people :( 

I would like to be really positive and say, yes I feel great, and wonderful, but I am looking at a 2nd failing of organising a event, so will anyone ever come to my events, or do I just quit? 

The positives, have met some really lovely people, and met loads of people who have suffered similar

I had 40 people wanting to come, not all for dinner. 

The negatives, could not convince 100 people to come to a charity ball, for Tommy's charity ball, not even amazing auction prizes could convince them, 

Would love to know how I can achieve this as just feel sadden that I failed, failed my first born and failed her again by not achieving this Ball to go ahead, 

So how does this make me feel about running, it does not make me feel proud as I let people down, and its that sense of failing, and no matter what people say, the fact is, the event did not happen, so why do I want to try again, as I owe it to all those who have lost babies and had a premature births, 

I set myself a goal, and hope to god people start to help me out, by coming, I did not want to just take donations, I wanted to do events where I give people a Great time, and raise a few quid towards the pprom project, you would think of the thousands of people in the High Peak, that it would not be that hard, 

Never knew that life had got so hard, can we really not afford to go out,  then I look around, I go places, cafes, restaurants, pubs and then I think, how can I convince you to come, and at the moment I no idea, 

Support

Thanks to all the following that have supported me, and either donated or sponsored me through the last year, 

To all that have donated on all my giving pages

To all that have donated gifts 

To all that have donated other services 

Will update in a moment 

Boston Marathon

I will be wearing my ribbon with pride, to all those fellow people who spend a great time fundraising, and have lost some important people, just goes to show how sad the world has become :( 

My Family 

My partner would prefer it if I did not do this, but I need to do this, as I need something positive to take over from the most traumatic experience of my life.

For my beautiful rainbow daughter Siobhan, this is for your future.

For my daughter that I gave birth to Sinead Speakman, the one I gave birth to, the one that did not make it, the one that was born stillborn,  I promised you I improve maternity services, and help other families, so far, not doing a great job, but praying every day this will change.

I love both my daughters and my better half with all my heart :) 

xxx